10Seasons in the Sun, Terry Jacks

You profess to hate this song, but you know every word of the dead man's posthumous sentiments for his father, his best pal and his darling daughter. Listen to this song after too much wine and you'll end up blowing your nose on your sleeve.

9Time, Pink Floyd

A jamming song, but have you really listened? "And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run. You missed the starting gun..."

You're getting older by the second, pops, and soon you will be dead.

8Fade Out, Radiohead

Sweet mother of Azrael, here is a song that would play real nicely with the sound of a rope twisting against a ceiling beam.

"Cracked eggs, dead birds, scream as they fight for life. I can feel death, can see its beady eyes..."

They say you should fasten a plastic bag around your head if you plan to overdose your way into the hereafter. It pays to be thorough.

7Shannon, Henry Gross

A beloved dog swims out into the ocean and never comes back. But maybe he'll find an island with a shady tree. Just like the one in our backyard. Just like the one in our backyard.

Doesn't that make you think of little Sparky? Me too, man. Me too.

6The End, The Doors

Deliriously sad until Jim starts singing about snakes, Roman wilderness and lusty thoughts for his mother. Tune that stuff out and you could really get into a suicidal zone with this one. "It hurts to set you free. But you'll never follow me. The end of laughter and soft lies. The end of nights we tried to die."

Morrison must've been a blast to party with.

5Cold Part of Town, Concrete Blonde

I have a friend who deems all Concrete Blonde tunes "music to drink Drano by." And this one is no exception. We're talking the dolorous defeat of a failed romance. "I'll go now. There's someone waiting for the phone. It's raining out. It's getting dark and I'm alone. Can I call ya? And can I sometime come around? Cus it gets chilly over here sometimes. It's a cold part of town..."

It is commonly accepted that the barrel of a gun should be placed in the mouth or under the chin to maximize the odds of firing a fatal, self-inflicted shot.

4Whiskey Lullaby, Brad Paisley, Allison Krauss

I hate country. This is the one country song I can take and I take it with shots of Jim Beam and Vicodin. Here's a couple that drank themselves to death and were buried together underneath a willow. Makes "The Days of Wine and Roses" seem upbeat. If you weren't a problem drinker before, you will be after putting this one on repeat on the old iPod of death.

3Hurt, Nine Inch Nails, Johnny Cash

Particularly the Cash version. He was a hundred fifty years old when he sang it and he had recently lost his wife. I'm sticking my head in the oven on Johnny's behalf.

2The Crystal Ship, The Doors

"The days are bright and filled with pain. Enclose me in your gentle rain. The time you ran was too insane, we'll meet again. We'll meet again." And that's the happy part of the song. Presumably it's a lament for a love lost to the grave. As chilling as Morrison's mournful words are the sad notes of Manzarek's piano keys.

When slashing the wrists, lengthwise incisions are more likely to prove fatal.

1Black, Pearl Jam

I can be having a perfectly joyous day with no problems on the horizons and no past trauma haunting me. Then this song comes on the radio and my vision is blurred by tears as I recall all the girls I've loved before and a few dogs, too. "I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a sun. In somebody else's sky. But why, why, why can't it be... can't it be mine?" Jesus Christ, Vetter. Get some anti-depressants.

When jumping to your death from a high place, it is considered suicide etiquette to not aim for a Nissan Maxima.