10Planes, Trains & Automobiles

I just peed a little. Because this movie is replete with the kind of comedy that will make you snort a beverage through your nose and hand over control of your bladder to the stylings of Steve Martin and John Candy. "Those aren't pillows!" You too will pee.

9Hysterical

The funniest movie you've never heard of, I believe it cost around $299 to make. Another spoof of horror movies that will make you think the creators were sniffing glue. Stars the Hudson brothers, whoever the hell they are. And John Laroquette when he was still drinking.

8White Men Can't Jump

The trash talk makes the movie and it never ends. Snipes versus Harrelson with a lot of street scrubs and a lot of vitriol thrown in.

"Man, shut your anorexic, malnutrition, tapeworm-having, overdose on Dick Gregory Bahamian diet-drinking ass up. Leave me alone!"

Pure art. I've tried for years to memorize that line and can't do it.

7Arthur

I'm fairly sure that Dudley Moore must have been legitimately hammered to nail this role. He weaves his way through the movie with a drunken cackle, almost never fully in control of his balance. When he stumbles into a bush and politely excuses himself, I sacrifice a few more drops of pee every time. "Oh, you're a hedge!"

6The Man with Two Brains

Steve Martin before he became a serious ack-tor. He's in love with a brain floating in a jar and the movie only gets more absurd from there. You know a movie has taken a weird turn when the star is wandering around trying to jam a needle full of washer fluid into the buttocks of a hooker. But it's damn funny, man. Also stars Kathleen Turner before... well, you know.

5National Lampoon's Family Vacation

"You see kids, the pioneers didn't use brick and mortar like we do today. They used mud."
"They didn't use mud, dad. They used sod."
"That's right, Audrey. But when they ran out of sod, they used mud."
Ahhhhh, I'm crying!

448 Hours

Nick Nolte uses some variation of the word "fuck" an estimated ten thousand times while verbally tormenting his black, convict sidekick. Almost as funny as this profanity riddled comic drama are attempts by prime time television stations to air it.

3Top Secret

Val Kilmer before he became Jim Morrison. One of the more masterful examples of absurd comedy, this one is about an American rock and roll star who gets embroiled in a government conspiracy while touring in Germany. No need for an interpreter, there's one in the cast.

"I know a little German... He's standing right over there."

2Young Frankenstein

I saw this flick for the first time when I was maybe eight years old and I thought it was damn funny. I saw it two dozen more times as an adult and it gets funnier all the time. It's a movie that has it all. Gene Wilder's crazy hair and violent, ejaculatory outbursts; Marty Feldman's bug eyes; Cloris Leachman's mole and pursed lips; Terri Garr's thick accent and lovely cleavage.

A movie that achieves dreariness and both absurd and sophisticated wit. If I wasn't huffing spray paint right now, it probably would have landed at number one on this list.

1Airplane

How many times on an average week do you utter a line from this movie?
"It looks like I picked the wrong day to quit amphetamines."
"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."
"You can tell me. I'm a doctor."
"You ever seen a grown man naked?"
"I just wanted to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you."
"I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it?"
"Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. It's a dumb question... skip it."

Exactly. It's been nearly thirty years and you still can't shut up about it. That's why it's number one.