10Ghost

She digs it because it’s a story about a love that is truly undying. You’ll love it because even when Demi Moore is weeping, she’s a slamming hottie. And once Swayze masters the art of Dead Fu, he spanks that weenie guy pretty good. The downside to this flick is the pottery scene. No matter how many time she’s seen it, your woman will whine: “Why can’t weeeee do something romantic like that?” Tell her you’ll do it. When you’re dead.

9Sixteen Candles

A wholesome freckle-faced girl gets the most popular guy in school, the swarthy, brooding Jake who casts aside his legions of harlots to be with her. But forget about all that happy crap. This flick is all about The Donger, the horn dog foreign exchange student. “Ohhh sexy gurrrrrlfriend...” Classic.

8Pretty Woman

Richard Gere is an intense business tycoon who has misplaced his capacity for love. And he needs a full-lipped hooker with a tender heart to turn him around. It’s all very romantic. But let’s not forget, fellas, that Julia Roberts in this role is a whore. A whore! That means she’ll do it with any schmuck, even you, for a few dollars. Gere maybe be handsome and wealthy, but you don’t have to be. Because she’s a whore. A whore! No, really. It’s a very nice movie.

7Fatal Attraction

Your wife will give your sidelong glances throughout this flick, hoping you are getting the message that cheating comes with dire consequences. Try to look like you are. But inwardly, you’re completely enjoying the movie and thinking: Huh! I never really thought of Glenn Close as hot before. She is. Except for that thing with the rabbit.

6Bull Durham

Kevin Costner the aging ball player only needs someone to love him and guide him into a maturity that transcends baseball. And Susan Sarandon, that lovely free spirit, is just the lady to do it. Yep. Chicks tend to overlook the idea that this movie is about baseball, not romance. And good for them. Because you can go for pee breaks during the romantic shit, and come back just in time to catch a flash of boobs or watch Nuke LaLoosh fire a 100 mph fastball at the head of an opposing player. It’s baseball, gentlemen! And your lady likes it!

5Splash

Tom Hanks is deeply in love but as is so often the case, great hurdles must be overcome. In this particular case, the woman he adores is a fish, fit for frying. The ladies love a ‘love conquers all’ concept, guys love side boob. You’ll see plenty of Daryl Hannah side boob but even that has a hard time competing with the fall down comedy of John Candy, Eugene Levy and a bunch of lesser knowns. Great comedy. Try to avoid saying things like: Boy, I’d eat that fish for dinner.

4Goodwill Hunting

Matt Damon is the streetwise kid that every girl wants to save and guide away from the storms of youth. But our boy here is also a punk who humiliates and harasses a blow-dried college kid in a bar and you, my friend will enjoy the hell out of it. Damon’s circle of friends will remind you of your own. There might be some frontal nudity on the part of Minnie Driver too, but let’s stay focused.

3Point Break

No, really. It’s a high-action drama with just enough of the touchy feely stuff to keep your date interested. What it lacks in real romance, it makes up for in eye candy for the ladies, in the forms of Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves. Swayze is the man. Reeves is just sort of there. Either way, you get shootouts, foot chases, fist fighting, explosions and surfing. In between doing Karate moves on the coffee table, just utter “isn’t it romantic how Johnny Utah struggles to maintain his professionalism while clearly falling for that bug-eyed chick?” You’ll do just fine, slugger.

2An Officer and a Gentleman

This one goes fifty percent romance, fifty percent jaw busting. Not a bad ratio if you have to suck up 90 minutes of movie before making your play. Watch as Richard Gere sweeps Debra Winger off her feet. Watch as he thrashes some townies outside a bar and then gives the steely drill sergeant a sound thrashing until taking one in the jimmy. If you find yourself sniffling at the very stirring ending, you didn’t watch the fight scenes close enough.

1Field of Dreams

A man with a midlife crisis reflecting on his troubled relationship with his dad. A melancholy look at life decisions and the way a man depends on his wife to ease him into another phase of his life. A very nice story. And then there’s baseball! Old-time baseball with beer swilling fat guys from the good old days! Mean sons-of-bitches returned from the dead to slap around the leather again. A cross country trip to Fenway Park and more dead ball players along the way. This is the perfect date movie. If you can elicit a few tears when Kevin Costner gets to have a catch with his long, lost dad, my friend you are getting some tonight.