US FDA approves oral granules for scalp ringworm

A headline posted here verbatim. I mean no offense to those of you who suffer from ring around the noggin. Although, let's face it. If you've got this kind of affliction, you're probably too miserable to be hanging around here. There is no fungus among us.

Sen. Craig to stay in office

High times in senate bathroom stalls.
"Dude, Did you just tap your foot against mine?"
"No! I was just squatting into a better position!"
"Because, you know I don't swing that way..."
"Neither do I! I am not gay!"
"Yeah, right. Then how do you explain the glory hole?"

Hung jury in Phil Spector trial

The term "hung jury" always makes me titter, Beavis-like. But I digress.

Barry Bonds record ball stamped with asterisk

I seeth. Because the very first baseball stamped with an asterisk was the one my wife designed for the cover of my novelette of the same name. Which is available now through this website or through your favorite online bookseller. Buy a piece of history while it's hot.

No, really. Please?

Red Sox take Eastern division

Pure theatrics. They only plummeted from a 14 ½ game lead to 1 ½ for the drama. And my how you Sox fans paled and lost your wills to live in the days before they clinched it. Sheer pleasure for masochistic Kansas City Royal fans like me, whose playoff hopes were lost by mid-June. By the second round, I expect most of you to be on Thorazine. And good riddance to ya.

Madonna, John Cougar Menstrual Cramp on Hall of Fame shortlist

Hurt so Good will clearly be the key phrase of the night.

I got nuthin.

Eleven cases of bluetongue confirmed

Another genuine headline from the Google news page. No, really. Bluetongue. This is what happens when Smurfs go down.